Pamela Anderson Has a Big Book

All about Big Dicks. The expression a picture says a thousand words is perfectly demonstrated with the picture below. Pamela Anderson, star of sex tapes and Baywatch, at a book signing in Beverly Hills on Thursday. Now, in spite of her experience in the subject matter, she did not actually "write" this book. She just picked it up to reminisce about some of her past loves.

I am fairly confident in asserting that this is primarily a picture book. I don't think that Pammie is fond of.... I don't know.... words. And we all know she is fond of the penis. And this is the Big Penis Book. She is sure to recognise a few.

Now, why, in all the hoopla surrounding the Olympics, has Pammie's name not been mentioned as a contributor to anything to do with the Games. She is from BC, she was "discovered" at BC Place. Can I nominate her to light the cauldron or whatever it is that is lit at the start of the Games. This may not be such a good idea. I suspect she is about 65% flammable - what with the big fake boobs and crappy weave. Oh Canada, I stand on guard for thee.

XO

Photo Credit: SPH/Splash News

Blame Canada?!?

My fellow Canadians: It’s called humour. Seriously. Get a sense of one. Stop writing letters to the editor. It is a FAKE news show. Stop fueling the f*cking fire. Seriously. F*ck. Me. You are making the rest of us look like idiots. Please just stop. It’s embarrassing. Not only to you. But to the rest of us who aren’t morons.

I am a proud Canadian. Although I was not born and raised here, I have been a citizen since birth. I learnt the Canadian National Anthem from going to see the Canucks at GM Place (although if I am honest, I go for the Leafs). I love the truth that if I so chose I could go sailing, golfing and skiing in one day – even though I don’t do any of these things in my everyday life. I have lived here for almost 15 years! I am Canadian.

As a Canadian, I would like to apologise for the idiocy of some of my fellow Canucks. Some of us here in the Great White North understand the concept of comedy. I know that this may be hard to believe in light of recent events, but some of us have even mastered the idea of satire.

Some of us realise that that Stephen Colbert is getting a sh*tload of press as a result of this little spat he is having with the Richmond Oval. Some of us have comprehended that the more press he gets, the more $$$ will be donated to the US speed-skating team. That he is sponsoring. By asking viewers to donate funds. This why he is doing this.

This whole ridiculous story started early in November when Colbert stepped in to sponsor the cash strapped US Speed-Skating team when one of their major sponsors went bankrupt. The team will have “Colbert Nation” emblazoned on their skin tight lycra unitards….uniforms that show every muscle, every bulge…. Sorry lost myself for a minute……

Anyways, around 2 weeks ago Colbert lashed out at the Richmond Oval accusing Canada of cheating by not allowing equal access to the ice at the Richmond Oval. Calling us all “Saskatchewhiners” , “ice-holes” & “syrup-suckers” Colbert then went on to put Canada “On Notice”. Now you may think that is a little harsh, but all of this was done to Celene Dion’s My Heart Will Go On – which Colbert declares is the Canadian National Anthem. Ha ha ha. Well at least it wasn't Nickelback, right?

What Colbert didn’t mention (nor did his whiny bitch of a guest – US Speed Skater Joey Cheek) was that the Host Country at any Olympic games traditionally has an advantage and gets to use the training facilities more than other countries – and that other countries typically do not cry about it on National TV. Anyways, that is not the point of this.

The Olympic Organising Committee has responded to this as a legitimate complaint - refuting Colbert’s claims. The operators of the rink - The City of Richmond – have taken a different tack. They have sent a highly amusing letter to Colbert, asking him to assume the title of Richmond Oval Ombudsmen “to ensure that no American speed-skater is mistreated or otherwise harmed in the making of the Olympic speed-skating competition”.

No word from Colbert’s camp as to whether he will be making his way North.

Again, On behalf of Canadians I am sorry. I really am. We are not all this silly and unable to take a joke. Sigh.

XO

Lilo a Designer Ya'll

Lilo pretty much invited anyone on Twitter to see her first show as the creative director for Emanuel Ungaro's RTW Spring 2010 line. I really have no idea what a "creative director" for a design house does. But in this case, a Creative Director apparently sends poorly constructed, tacky and cliched crap down the runway. I am not a fashion expert, I just know what I like and what I do not like...... in this case there are a few pieces that are all right. Sadly for the most part I have to concur with the early reviews which have labelled the collection "an embarrassment", as well as "cheesy and dated".

Apparently there was boob popping out more than once, at least one of the dresses was so short that if you went commando you would be flashing the entire world your biz-ness, and the heart shaped theme (on pasties covering nipples, head pieces and material) looked like a concept a five year old from the 1980's came up with. The colours are garish and not used effectively.

Of the collaboration with designer Estrella Archs, Lilo said “We both kind of mixed our (ideas) together, and that’s why it came out so well. I really appreciate everything that goes into, like, any article of clothing. I think it’s fantastic and I think it’s so expressive in so many ways.” Already after the show Archs seems to be covering her ass stating the the collection was designed "very quickly"

This completely reminds me of the episode of Project Runway that just aired in Canada where one of the guest judges (Celebrity stylist Jen Rade) said of the model who liked a boring design, that it was a good thing the model wasn't a designer. She didn't say it anywhere near as nice as I wrote it, it was actually kinda mean. Just because someone likes clothes, and/or can wear designer clothes doesn't mean that said person should be a designer. Do you think Lilo woke up from a drug-induced stupor and thought, I wanna be a designer? Probably..... so sad.

Oh and as to which of Lilo's many celebrity friends showed up to support her and applaud her success..... her 16 year old sister Ali was there - instead of in school - and that's about it. I think the rest of her friends were too scared to go..... terrified that her weird, cranked out lips would engulf them.

XO

Its the Schmemmy's!

And no these are not the Emmy equivalent of The Razzies. These are the Creative Arts Emmy Awards - those awards deemed by the Powers that be at Emmy-world not worthy of being on the broadcast that is being televised this coming Sunday. Oh you know awards such as editing, art direction, make-up, hairstyling, music etc. All the stuff that makes the shows we love, you know good. They are airing the ceremony on the E! Network.... which Vancouver no longer has.... boooooo to that. I would so totally love to see the ceremony.



Not only was it hosted by the hi-larious Katthy Griffin, but Joss Whedon finally got some Emmy love. In spite of the critical acclaim heaped on his work, Joss has never won and Emmy. He was nominated for best writing for an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where ironically the entire cast lost their voices 10 minutes in. Hush is a great episode of TV, if you haven't seen it, you should.

Joss (and his team) won the Emmy for "outstanding Special Class — Short Format Live-Action Entertainment Program" for his web based comedy musical - Dr Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog. Now, I don't quite get why an Emmy was given out for online programming, but I am not going to quibble about it. Hells yea! Can I get a woot woot! So happy about this.

If you have not seen this amazing 45 minute of Internet fabulousness, why not? It has Neil Patrick Harris, Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion. They sing. There is a death ray. And An Evil League of Evil which is headed up by "Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin". And NPH - who sings. He is Dr Horrible, he has a PhD in horribleness. It is genius. I not only bought it on I-Tunes, I also bought the DVD when it came out. See it. See it. See it.

A few acting honours were also given out for guest starring roles in both the Comedy and Drama categories. Most notably Tina Fey continued her streak of winning any award she is nominated for by snapping up the Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for her uncanny portrayal of ex-Governor Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. During her acceptance speech, Fey acknowledged both her former SNL colleagues and her Republican parents. “They thought the first four sketches were very funny,” Fey said. “The last two were, in their words, ‘Enough already.’” She also took one last jab at Sarah Palin in closing by declaring that “Mrs. Palin is an inspiration to working mothers everywhere,” Fey joked, “because she bailed on her job right before Fourth of July weekend. You are living my dream. Thank you Mrs Palin”

Oh and Justin Timberlake also won for his role on SNL. Blargh. Like he needs anything else to pad his ego. He was not on hand to accept the award, so he is getting no love from me. I am surprised Jessica didn't force him to go. She hasn't been in the news for a while..... maybe she is working on that sex tape.

For a complete list of winners you can see them here

The Primetime Emmys are on this Sunday hosted by NPH, who still needs to be my Gay Best Friend. Here is a quick pic of my Neil in Rolling Stone. Hello Salty goodness! Oh, la!

XO

OMG - Zac Efron is sleeping 4 blocks from me!

I am not going to regularly make mention of Zac Efron. Don't worry. I honestly don't care about him at all. He is just another over 20 year old Disney twit trying to break free. But there is a slightly amusing story related to his being here in Vancouver that I wanted to share.

I work with some young people. Some very young people. Kids who are so young, that when I am able to go to that dark place in my mind, I remind myself that I could conceivably be their mother. God, now I am depressed. Ugh. Anyways, I was chatting with one of them about Harry Potter (she went to a midnight show on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning) and was mentioning the photos I had seen of the kid who plays Neville Longbottom on a website and how he was kinda cute and had grown up a lot. I went to the site to show her and was skimming down, commenting on everything as I have a tendency to do.

I scrolled past the photos of Zac Efron at the Video Arcade he was snapped at in Vancouver this week (apparently many movie theatres in Vancity have Video Arcades - I had never noticed), made what I am sure was a hi-larious comment about him, and she actually screamed. "What - Zac Efron is here? OMG! OMG! OMG!" She was freaking out. It was equal parts adorable and hilarious. I don't think I have ever seen a Zac-attack in person before.

I can't wait to hear and see the response when I let her know what hotel I think he is staying at. My suspicion was unofficially confirmed by the small army of tween girls loitering at all entrances of one of the newer hotels in the city.

XO

Robot Chicken for the Win!

Seth Green was on Conan tonight. He is adorable and funny and is one of the genius' behind Robot Chicken. Which was just nominated for an Emmy - thank-you very much. Seth was also on Buffy, and Oz is gonna be in the next episode of the Buffy Season 8 comic..... squeeeeee!!!!! Okay so I know that Oz is not actually Seth, but it looks like him, so I am continuing with the squeeeeeee.

Seeing Seth on Conan talking about Robot Chicken inspired me to track this down. Below is my favourite bit ever from Robot Chicken. It makes me LMFAO every time I see it. Oh yea, I brought out the F*ck in LMAO - it is that good. What could have been if Buffy had continued as a TV show instead of morphing into comic book form. You kinda have to be a fan or a total loser like me to find the funny in this. Best part is that is actually SMG doing the voice over. Love it.

XO

The Next Thelma & Louise?

Those crazy kids at Funny or Die have done it again. The next hit indie film with a kick-ass soundtrack is "My Mother's Red Hat" starring Alanis Morissette and Alicia Silverstone as two friends go on a roadtrip full of self-discovery after one of their mother's passes away. Did I mention it has an amazing soundtrack. Srsly, best soundtrack ever apparently. No Aerosmith though.



Wanna know something really sad? I am actually gonna check out some of the artists mentioned on this sham of a soundtrack. I recognised Bright Eyes and Lykke Li, so I am assuming that the rest of the bands are real also. I told you I was pathetic.

XO

Christian Bale's Infamous Rant - the Remix

Ch-ch-check out this awesome video from Tom Lenk (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and the Echo Theatre Company. I know many remixes have been done of Christian Bales Rant, but me likey this one a lot!

XO