The return of Joaquin Phoenix

Do y'all recall when Joaquin Phoenix had what appeared to be a very public meltdown on Letterman? At the time I was *this* close to calling bullsh*t on the whole thing. I expected him to reemerge in a few months, promoting the crap out of something. But no, he has been pretty much in hiding since the start of last year.

For some strange reason, Joaquin Phoenix chose to make his return to the public arena with Miley F*cking Cyrus. Trying to get people to vote for something to do with a Suicide Prevention website. I don't know. I stopped paying attention when Miley jumped onto the screen. She really is one of the most conceited individuals on the planet isn't she? I am all for self confidence, but come on. Ugh. She just bugs me more than words can say. The only redeeming thing in this entire video is the reunion of Joaquin and Liv Tyler. Apparently they were very very hot and heavy back in the day. It did not end well. They seem to be doing okay being in the same room. Maybe they could bond even further by getting rid of Miley.... They say that nothing brings a couple together like offing a teenage superstar.

To rid your mind of thoughts of the image of Ms Miley, check out these punk kids totally and completely rocking out to Party in the USA. I am sorry that you have to suffer through the song to get the full effect. I highly recommend only watching it once. That f*cking song gets stuck in your head.... trust me. I am sure every person in this clip is now in hiding. Any street cred they may have had is completely gone now that the world has seen them dancing and singing to Miley Cyrus. Ha!

PS: apparently Joaquin Phoenix has been working on his music in the time he has been away. Someone I can't be bothered to google said it is Ah-mazing. Too good to even be released. Cause Joaquin can't handle to inevitable fame and money and award shows and concerts that would result from said an-mazingness. Please.

XO

Celebrity Babies are sooooo 2009

The late 2000's were most definitely the year of the celebrity baby. Suri, Shiloh, Violet, Harlow, Bronx, Apple........ the list is long and varied. The names ranged from the traditional - Grace Charlotte Prinz (daughter of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr) to the different - Satyana Denisof (daughter of Alyson Hannigan and Alexis Denisof) to the downright wacky - Sparrow (son of Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden). I am not judging the names - simply pointing out that they are not the names that regular folks like you and I would give our children.

But that is so completely passe. Did you notice, that even this early in 2010, celebrity engagements seem to be the the new celebrity babies.

According to US Weekly Russel Brand and Katy Perry got engaged while on a romantical vacation in India. While no official confirmation has come from either of the 2 stars, the magazine claims that multiple sources have confirmed to them that they are betrothed. The two have had a quick courtship if it is true! They only started dating a few months ago but seem pretty happy.

Just before Christmas, country superstar Carrie Underwood got engaged to Mike Fisher from the Ottawa Senators. The notoriously press shy couple's engagement was inadvertently announced by one of Mikes friends to the Twitter world. Carrie's publicist has since confirmed the engagement. This couple is so low key, that there are only a handful of pics of them together. Underwood is quite a traditional small town girl. I suspect her wedding will be big big big... just like the massive rock she is sporting!

Finally, People.com is reporting that shock rocker Marilyn Manson popped the question to girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood. Though the two have a tumultuous on again off again relationship and have only been back together for a shot while Manson supposedly proposed while performing on stage in Paris. While I personally don't get the attraction to Manson, Wood is not a silly girl. I like to think the True Blood star would not be hoodwinked by a slick line. Sigh. I was happy when I thought she was dating her co-star Alexander Skarsgard. They fight and break up every few months so we shall see what happens.

And don't even get me started on Miley Cyrus blabbing off how she can't wait to get married and have babies (her christian code for the sex). Does she think she is fooling anyone? Any teenage who knows how to work a pole like she did at the VMA's last year, certainly knows how to work poles of a different kind as well.

Statistically if all four of these couples tie the knot, half of them will end in divorce. But given they are all under the Hollyweird spotlight - I would up that to three out of four! At least. No matter how golden and perfectly suited they may seem. Remember Brad and Jen? THE Perfect couple. Yea, it was five years ago today they announced their split. Brad moved on to start a small country with Angie, while Jen is still trying to find a role that is not Rachel Greene.

XO

Like, it's like totally awesome, like you know? Like.

When I first moved to Canada my first job was at one of the major Tourist attractions as what basically amounts to a tour guide. It was a very popular attraction and there were a couple of regulars who I saw 2-3 times a week. I have fond memories of one woman in particular who used to bring her two little girls on what seemed like a daily basis for a number of years, so I got to know them pretty well.

These girls were adorable. Hailey and… f*ck I can’t remember her name. Their mom’s name was Amy. Anyways, for a while we had this game we would play. A little back-story for you: I pride myself on my command of the English language. I write, I read, I know and am comfortable using “fifty-cent” words. But there was one word that I would overuse. Like, incessantly. Like, ridiculously a lot. The game was very simple. Every time I said the word "like" they would say the word "ding". They said “ding” a lot. The girls found this game hi-larious and I quickly realised that I need to find another filler word.

Can you think of anyone who would benefit from this game? I know! I know! Let’s see if you can figure out who it is. Here are a few clues. This almost 17-year-old superstar loves pole dancing in short shorts at awards shows. Although she claims to love God she takes mildly suggestive photos of herself and posts them on Twitter for the world to see.

Do you know who it is yet? No? Let me give you a few more clues. She seems to think the smacking gum incessantly during interviews is perfectly acceptable and doesn’t listen to Jay Z because that is “pop” music - which she doesn’t listen to. Her words not mine. She also deleted said twitter account because a boy suggested it - and wrote a rap about it (sorry, I guess this would be pop, not rap right?). Finally this girl has obvious daddy issues and hates the Twilight phenomenon …. for no discernable reason. A catty person might say that her Twilight rant reeks of jealousy…

I know you know who it is? How could you not? Homegirl Miley Cyrus needs to find someone to play the “ding” game with her. Pronto. If your ears can handle the twang and the gum smacking, listen to this radio station interview where she disses the Twilight franchise and uses the word like more than should be allowed. I gave up counting after about 30.

Whoever is tasked with assisting Miley in expanding her vocabulary should also consider helping her to not sound like an ungrateful brat. Cause that is like exactly how she comes across in like every interview I have like heard recently. Couldn’t have something to do with all the positive press surrounding her BFF Taylor Swift could it? Sour grapes Miley? Tsk tsk. That is not very Christian of you!

XO

Miley's done with Twitter Ya'll

How will the tween tweeters and celebrity bloggers of the world cope? Miley Cyrus has deleted her twitter account.

It all started on Thursday with this cryptic tweet coming from the 17 year old superstar: "FYI Liam doesn't have a Twitter and he wants ME to delete mine with good reason." Liam is Miley's costar in her latest film project and her rumoured boyfriend. Miley's account then disappeared and the outcry began. Fans were shocked, outraged and disappointed - #mileycomeback became the number one trending topic on Twitter.

Miley's father - Billy Ray - then got in on the action and tweeted his own impassioned plea to his meal-ticket/daughter to return to the twitterverse. "Miley. You are a light in a world of darkness. You were born "Destiny Hope Cyrus" for a reason. You can't leave everyone now.We r countin on u". Seriously? This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read. Were Miley's tweets solving world hunger? Discovering a cure for cancer? Ending the war in Afghanistan? Ridding the world of inequality?

Oh and Billy-Ray.... In your creepy soul patch stroking state I guess you forgot that that Miley deleted her f*cking account. Which means she is not going to read the f*cking drivel you are spouting in an effort to get her back on board. And I also guess you forgot that she is more than just your meal ticket. That she is your daughter.... pretty sure that you have her cell phone number. Use it. Douche.

Miley has since released a fantastic rap video explaining to her fans why she deleted her account. Yes, a rap video.

Some are saying this is all a big publicity stunt. Perhaps Miley (and her publicist) is bummed that Taylor Swift has been getting all the press over the last month or so with the whole Kanye is a douche situation. So has Miley very publicly deleted her account and will we see her in a few weeks make an even more public return to Twitterverse? Possibly. For now, I am just happy that the world of Twitter will not be subjected to her misspelled rambling or photos of her sexing on her random guys who are old enough to be her father.

XO