Music Monday: From my Keyboard to Your I-Pod

Greetings & salutations friends. I am feel just a little crappy today. Not quite sick, but feeling like it is about to happen any moment. Preemptive action was required. This involves bed, hot strong sweet tea and drugs. Wish me luck. Busy busy week at work, can't be sick. I am refusing to allow it to happen. I am blaming Paris Hilton. She was in Whistler over the weekend and apparently that was enough to make me sick. Bitch, really needs to stay the f*ck out of my country.

She also hugged one of the Olympic mascots. Anything bad that happens at the Olympics can now be blamed on Paris Hilton. I am serious. Already one of Canada's best hopes at a medal in skiing (I think, I don't know from sports) was injured on the weekend. Paris is to blame. I bet Stephen Colbert sent her up here to f*ck our sh*t up.

Anyways, only a very quick post today. Music music music is my boyfriend and today I bring you two indie peeps that I love. They are playing at the Commodore next week and I have just decided that I must attend.

Grace Potter & the Nocturnals. My friend Kent asked me how I had heard of these guys, and I have no f*cking idea. Maybe Grey's Anatomy? Cause even though the show sucks balls, they have good music. I just know they are awesome.

Brett Dennen..... he played with Missy Higgins a few years ago. Was supposed to see him at Bumbershoot in September, but the timing got all f*cked up and I couldn't swing it. Boo Hiss. Love him.

Love. Anyone else going next week? Then I have Gaga on Thursday. Very different styles I know. But that is how I roll.

XO

Is Jared Leto more of a Danny Zuko or a Kenickie?

I look at these photos and I expect these guys to break into a dance montage from Grease. But no, this is not the reincarnation of the T-Birds, this is Jared Leto, with his band mates from 30 Seconds to Mars at a photo shoot in New York City yesterday. Apparently they have a new album coming out. Maybe their 3 fans give a crap. Because I really don't care.

I don't think I could recognise a cut by 30 Seconds to blah blah blah if my life depended on it. This is pretty much a post about the holy hawtness of Jared Leto.

Because oh la..... right? The leather = good. The shades = good, although I love his eyes. The perfectly tousled hair = good. The bulge in his pants = impressive. That could be anything I suppose, but I am going with idea that he would be capable of making you hurt in all the right places...... sigh.

I love Jared Leto. He was and will always be the ultimate bad boy of my teenage years. Jordan Catalano.... you were such an asshole to Angela, but you know that he would totally have pried apart her dimpled thighs in Season 2. If there had been a Season 2. I am still kind of bitter there was no Season 2 of My So Called Life. Can you tell.

While trolling the interwebs for the above photos, I stumbled across this old image of Jared making out with Paris Hilton. So instead of my usual rant against the viewing public for the cancellation of My So Called Life, I am now choosing to place the blame for the cancellation of this amazing show squarely on the slutty shoulders of Paris Hilton.

To this image I say ewwww. And please Jared, never again. Thanks.

XO

Have you protected yourself?

So I spent last night building a fort out of cushions. I taped my windows closed, and have made a special hat out of aluminum foil that will hopefully ward off the filth that has invaded my city. Not only my city, but my immediate vicinity.

Ugh. Paris Hilton is in town and already the s*it has hit the fan. There was a city wide power blackout today....... coincidence? I think not.

She is filming an episode of Supernatural where she plays an evil version of herself or something. I don't know. I don't care. I just want her to leave. Before something really bad happens.

The one saving grace is that she didn't let her boyfriend come with. One fame whore is bad enough. But both of them here? Gawd. I would have to leave town for a few days. Doug is apparently pleading to get back on The Hills. Cause being the boyfriend of the most useless celebrity in existence isn't sinking low enough.

These pics kinda make me throw up in my mouth a little. But it is important to look at them. To remember what she is. And what she can do.

I am sure Paris will be trying to hook up with the way more relevant Twilight crew while she is here. Any press she can get while she is in town right?

If you don't hear anything from me it may mean I have been infected by Paris. I am not sure where she is staying, but the possibilities are few and they are either super close to my house or blocks from my work. Eek! Pray from me friends.

XO

PS: Remember that lawsuit from a few weeks ago? Well, flirting with the judge worked. She got off.

Paris Hilton is an Intelligent Prude?

Okay, so maybe I am paraphrasing just a tad. But she did whine that she is not a dumb slut, that she just plays one on tv.

Please.

Paris is currently promoting a documentary about her life, Paris, not France that is set to air on MTV next week. This is apparently very different from the other film about her - One Night In Paris. Clips of which are in the MTV documentary. Paris is not thrilled about this. But, she did not see a copy of a documentary about herself prior to the premier. Because she is smart ya'll.

Here is the deal. Ms Hilton, who is famous for being a dumb slut, with no discernible talents, claims that the Paris Hilton we know and mock is a character that she made up. And that she is not dumb. Or a slut. Yeah, right.

Cause all the smart people I know wouldn't even ask to see a copy of a documentary about themselves before it is screeened. Intelligent people allow their boyfriend/girlfriend to film them having sex. Smart people don't have any actual control over their appearances and allow their "people" to not schedule them to promote a film that they are starring in. Smart people regularly get paid tens of thousands of dollars to promote a club and then don't even show up. Shall I go on? I am sure that Paris' membership into Mensa will be coming through any day.

As to whether she is a slut. Well...... I think her sex tape and long list of guys she has banged speak for themselves.

Cry me a f*cking river Paris. If you walk like a dumb slut who is permanently on a catwalk, talk like a dumb slut who can barely string two sentences together, dress like a dumb slut who is also super trashy, what is the world supposed to think? I am not making any conclusions. I am simply taking a small step. And there the conclusions are. Go away Paris. No one wants to play anymore.

XO

WTF? "You're my Best Judge Forever"

Oh Paris, Paris, Paris. You are just so f*cking clueless. On the one hand you ask all of us to take you seriously as a business person, insisting that you are more than just the vapid whore that we have all come to know and mock. Then on the other hand, you claim that you weren't aware that you were supposed to promote a film that you the star of. Come on. I am not in movies and I know that promotion is part of it. And then to try and pass it off on your "handlers" who schedule your time.

You ask us to take you seriously and then you wave at the judge on your way to the witness box, and tell him "You're my best judge forever". I say again, why is this woman famous? What is her contribution to humanity?

Ugh to you Paris. Again, I wish they could just throw the twit in jail.

XO

Paris Hilton is a going to Jail?

I was really really hoping that there would be a possibility of jail time for Paris at the end of this. I would even be okay with her in one of those Martha Stewart type jails. Her and Bernie Madoff, sharing a cell. That would be awesome. Sadly however, the world is totally against me this week and there is no possibility of jail time if this trial does not go in her favour. Ugh.

So in 2006 Paris was in a totally lame movie that no one saw - "National Lampoons Pledge This". I didn't see it, and I see pretty much everything. The makers of said blockbuster are suing the Hilton for $8 million, claiming that she did not fulfill her contractual obligations to promote the movie. I am shocked by this piece of news. Seriously. Shocked and even a little appalled.



Paris took the time out of her busy schedule to fly back from Dubai where she is filming another piece of crap that no one will see: "My New BFF" . She flew in special to look serious and responsible and not the least bit brainless. I don't think her reported continual playing with her braids helped her case.

The question before the court in my head is: we all know the movie sucked. But would more people have been suckered into seeing it if Paris had completed the promotion of the movie as she was contractually obligated to do? If she had gone on Leno and Jimmy Kimmel would that have translated to a bigger box office? Sadly, likely.

Pairs of course, contends that she "promoted the hell" out of the movie and that producers made unreasonable demands on her already full schedule. Paris is expected to take the stand on her defence later today or next week. From the photos, it appears that the poor thing thinks she is on on a catwalk somewhere. Pose hard Paris! Gah. Why is she famous?

XO