Thursday, November 19, 2009

Blame Canada?!?

My fellow Canadians: It’s called humour. Seriously. Get a sense of one. Stop writing letters to the editor. It is a FAKE news show. Stop fueling the f*cking fire. Seriously. F*ck. Me. You are making the rest of us look like idiots. Please just stop. It’s embarrassing. Not only to you. But to the rest of us who aren’t morons.

I am a proud Canadian. Although I was not born and raised here, I have been a citizen since birth. I learnt the Canadian National Anthem from going to see the Canucks at GM Place (although if I am honest, I go for the Leafs). I love the truth that if I so chose I could go sailing, golfing and skiing in one day – even though I don’t do any of these things in my everyday life. I have lived here for almost 15 years! I am Canadian.

As a Canadian, I would like to apologise for the idiocy of some of my fellow Canucks. Some of us here in the Great White North understand the concept of comedy. I know that this may be hard to believe in light of recent events, but some of us have even mastered the idea of satire.

Some of us realise that that Stephen Colbert is getting a sh*tload of press as a result of this little spat he is having with the Richmond Oval. Some of us have comprehended that the more press he gets, the more $$$ will be donated to the US speed-skating team. That he is sponsoring. By asking viewers to donate funds. This why he is doing this.

This whole ridiculous story started early in November when Colbert stepped in to sponsor the cash strapped US Speed-Skating team when one of their major sponsors went bankrupt. The team will have “Colbert Nation” emblazoned on their skin tight lycra unitards….uniforms that show every muscle, every bulge…. Sorry lost myself for a minute……

Anyways, around 2 weeks ago Colbert lashed out at the Richmond Oval accusing Canada of cheating by not allowing equal access to the ice at the Richmond Oval. Calling us all “Saskatchewhiners” , “ice-holes” & “syrup-suckers” Colbert then went on to put Canada “On Notice”. Now you may think that is a little harsh, but all of this was done to Celene Dion’s My Heart Will Go On – which Colbert declares is the Canadian National Anthem. Ha ha ha. Well at least it wasn't Nickelback, right?

What Colbert didn’t mention (nor did his whiny bitch of a guest – US Speed Skater Joey Cheek) was that the Host Country at any Olympic games traditionally has an advantage and gets to use the training facilities more than other countries – and that other countries typically do not cry about it on National TV. Anyways, that is not the point of this.

The Olympic Organising Committee has responded to this as a legitimate complaint - refuting Colbert’s claims. The operators of the rink - The City of Richmond – have taken a different tack. They have sent a highly amusing letter to Colbert, asking him to assume the title of Richmond Oval Ombudsmen “to ensure that no American speed-skater is mistreated or otherwise harmed in the making of the Olympic speed-skating competition”.

No word from Colbert’s camp as to whether he will be making his way North.

Again, On behalf of Canadians I am sorry. I really am. We are not all this silly and unable to take a joke. Sigh.


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