Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Channing Tatum Has an Owie on his Package.

Sadly, Channing Tatum does not have fond memories of his time filming his latest soldiering movie The Eagle of the Ninth in Scotland recently. It was cold, wet, physically demanding, he was away from his wife.....oh and a crew member poured boiling water on his penis. Yes you read that correctly. Scalding hot water was poured on his penis, and Channing not only filled Details magazine in on the particulars of what happened, he also showed the lucky reporter photos of said burnt penis.
According to the magazine, "Tatum was pretend-soldiering one raw, wet October day in the Scottish Highlands. The action required him to wade in ice-cold water, which, despite a high-tech wetsuit, could be withstood for only a few minutes. "The only way to keep warm was by pouring a mix of boiling water and river water down your suit. We were finally done shooting for the day, and one of the crew guys asks if I want to warm up before I go. I'm like, Nah, I'm good. And then I thought, Why not? Thing is, he'd forgotten to dilute the kettle water. So he poured scalding water down my suit. And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down and pretty much burned the skin off the head of my dick."
Tatum was rushed to the nearest hospital—an hour away. Before long, the ice pack he was applying to the burn lost its chill. "I said to the driver, who was ex-special-forces Marines, 'You might have to knock me out, because I don't know if I can take the pain. Just grab something and hit me on the back of my head.'" Morphine finally KO'd the agony, and a team of doctors salved and bandaged his wound. "I had five guys looking at my shriveled, burned penis," he says proudly."
I am trying not to laugh about this one. I can imagine that having scalding hot water poured onto a penis would hurt like a son of a bitch. But come. Can you imagine that crew member, going home to his/her wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend and when being asked "How was work dear?" having to confess to that. "It was great, until I poured a kettle of boiling water down the star of the movie's wetsuit, burning the skin off his penis". Come on. It is a little funny. Really really really funny.
Many many people in the world find this man very very attractive. I personally do not. He just doesn't do it for me. And now he has a burnt penis. And he drinks Coors Lite. Case closed.
PS: Penis penis penis. I think I hadn't said the word penis enough in this wee post. PENIS.

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