Thursday, December 3, 2009

I spent the week (end) on the Jersey Shore

Back in my early twenties I spent four months on a cross country road trip through Canada and the US. I was with my best friend from University and we drove and slept all over the US and Canadialand in our two tone blue Mercury Marquis - cleverly named "Bluey". One of our stops was New Jersey to meet up with one half of an awesome couple we had met in the US Virgin Islands.

This couple had an incredibly romantic story. They had dated in High School, broken up and gone on with their lives. She had gotten married, had kids and sadly divorced. He had remained single. They reconnected and were living happily ever after. Great story, great couple. They took us to the this great bar on the other side of the island and introduced us to the most fantastic drink ever - a Bushwacker (Bailey's, Amaretto, Kahlua, Rum, Grand Marnier, Creme of Coconut - deadly delishness!!!). They were fun and interesting and had a great story. They said that if we were ever heading to Jersey (where she lived) or Ottawa (where he lived), we could deffo stay with them.

So we called her from Maryland and the silence on the phone when we announced that we were on our way was a little scary. After a few moments of awkward silence she confessed to us that 99% of the romantic story outlined above was true. The one tiny detail they had left out was that she was still married. So instead of a romantic vacation between two former flames who had magically reconnected, we had been privy to a dirrty weekend between a cheater and her lover.

So long story short, we were welcome to come stay, but she was actually heading to the famed Jersey Shore for a week with her children, friends, friends kids, nannies, and her secret lover and we should go down there with them instead. And we did. It was one of the crazier weeks of our life. Not only did we meet her husband and have to continue the lie she had told about her trip to the Caribbean, but we also had to aid in the cover-up during the week away with a bunch of kids. It was a little nutty. There were two houses and hotel room to aid in the conspiracy, an elaborate story about why her lover was there, and we had to continually lie to a bunch of children and their nannies (who clearly knew what was up & were snickering about it the whole time).

It was a wild and crazy week on the Jersey Shore. But my week ain't got nothing on the insanity that is MTV's newest reality show - aptly titled Jersey Shore. Eight 20-something Italian-American shacked up in a house together for the summer. From the first two episodes I have generalised that all Italian-Americans have nicknames - like Sweetheart and my personal favourite "The Situation". Also, all Italian-American males look like poster children for roid rage. Apparently guido and guidette are acceptable terms of endearment for people of Italian-American descent. It takes some guidettes about 4 hours to get ready to go out to a club. Italian-Americans pray before meals, but have no problem f*cking the first skank that takes her g-string off in your hot tub. I think that this show will fill the void left by The Hills and The City very nicely.

It has vapid whores who do not know how to dress, obscenely muscled chauvinistic men who like to punch things, high dramarama, higher hemlines, and even higher hair. There are more styling products in this show than I have ever encountered on television - even more than Susan Lucci on All My Children. It is crazy ridiculously atrocious television and I will be watching it every week.
I do not recall any Guido's or Guidette's in my week at the Jersey Shore. The dysfunction I was dealing with was total and complete WASP dysfunction. We do not keep in touch with either of them. We did stay with him in Ottawa, but lost touch after a few years. One day I will write a book, or at least a different kind of blog about my travel stories...... This one is one of the saner normal things that happened during those 4 months on the road. Eek! The memories....

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