Thursday, November 19, 2009

Like, it's like totally awesome, like you know? Like.

When I first moved to Canada my first job was at one of the major Tourist attractions as what basically amounts to a tour guide. It was a very popular attraction and there were a couple of regulars who I saw 2-3 times a week. I have fond memories of one woman in particular who used to bring her two little girls on what seemed like a daily basis for a number of years, so I got to know them pretty well.

These girls were adorable. Hailey and… f*ck I can’t remember her name. Their mom’s name was Amy. Anyways, for a while we had this game we would play. A little back-story for you: I pride myself on my command of the English language. I write, I read, I know and am comfortable using “fifty-cent” words. But there was one word that I would overuse. Like, incessantly. Like, ridiculously a lot. The game was very simple. Every time I said the word "like" they would say the word "ding". They said “ding” a lot. The girls found this game hi-larious and I quickly realised that I need to find another filler word.

Can you think of anyone who would benefit from this game? I know! I know! Let’s see if you can figure out who it is. Here are a few clues. This almost 17-year-old superstar loves pole dancing in short shorts at awards shows. Although she claims to love God she takes mildly suggestive photos of herself and posts them on Twitter for the world to see.

Do you know who it is yet? No? Let me give you a few more clues. She seems to think the smacking gum incessantly during interviews is perfectly acceptable and doesn’t listen to Jay Z because that is “pop” music - which she doesn’t listen to. Her words not mine. She also deleted said twitter account because a boy suggested it - and wrote a rap about it (sorry, I guess this would be pop, not rap right?). Finally this girl has obvious daddy issues and hates the Twilight phenomenon …. for no discernable reason. A catty person might say that her Twilight rant reeks of jealousy…

I know you know who it is? How could you not? Homegirl Miley Cyrus needs to find someone to play the “ding” game with her. Pronto. If your ears can handle the twang and the gum smacking, listen to this radio station interview where she disses the Twilight franchise and uses the word like more than should be allowed. I gave up counting after about 30.

Whoever is tasked with assisting Miley in expanding her vocabulary should also consider helping her to not sound like an ungrateful brat. Cause that is like exactly how she comes across in like every interview I have like heard recently. Couldn’t have something to do with all the positive press surrounding her BFF Taylor Swift could it? Sour grapes Miley? Tsk tsk. That is not very Christian of you!


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