Saturday, November 7, 2009

"F Love"

I have made my opinions on the Chris Brown - Rihanna situation very very clear. See here, here, here, here, here and even here for my thoughts on this situation. I didn’t have this wee blog back in February when this all went down (which I just realised was on my birthday!), I can only imagine what I would have said about it……

Last night on ABC's 20/20 Rihanna spoke publicly for the first time about the horrific beating she took at the hands of her then boyfriend –Chris Brown - why she went back to him after he had slammed her head against a windshield, choked, bit and punched her on February 7th 2009, and why she finally came to the realisation that she could not stay with him even though she still loved him.

Rihanna on Friday described the horror she felt as her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown was biting and punching her during a violent argument in February, saying she saw "no soul in his eyes."
"There was no person when I looked at him," the 21-year-old singer recalled during the second installment of an interview airing on ABC's "Good Morning America." "He had no soul in his eyes. Just blank."
Brown was arrested Feb. 8, hours after he was accused of beating Rihanna after the two argued over another woman. He later pleaded guilty to felony assault.
In the interview, Rihanna, who is no longer with Brown, described him as "definitely my first big love." She said their relationship was intense.
"The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other — equally as dangerous," she said. "It was a bit of an obsession almost."
The attack occurred in Los Angeles' Hancock Park neighborhood as Brown drove a rented sports car. She said it was triggered when she saw a text message on his phone from another woman and confronted him about it. She said he lied about it and "I wouldn't drop it."
A search warrant affidavit filed in the case stated that Brown hit, choked and bit Rihanna and tried at one point to push her from the car.
"It was ugly," she said.
During the beating, the singer said she had no idea how it would end: "That's all I kept thinking the whole time, 'When is it going to stop? When is it going to stop?'"
Brown was sentenced to five years' probation, six months of community labor and a year of domestic violence counseling after he pleaded guilty to felony assault.
In portions of the interview aired Thursday, Rihanna warned other women facing domestic violence to not let themselves become blinded by love. She also said she regretted going back to Brown, saying it sent the wrong message to her fans.
Brown, 20, has apologized to fans and has said he has repeatedly apologized to Rihanna for the attack. Brown will recount his perspective in an interview to air Friday on MTV.
Despite the beating, Rihanna said she still cares about Brown.
"I don't hate him at all," she said. "I actually love and care about him and I'm concerned about him doing well. I want him to do well — have a great career, have a great life, and grow up. Just take this as something that you had to go through to grow up and learn."
Rihanna's interview coincides with the debut of her new single, "Russian Roulette," from her upcoming album, "Rated R."

For me, it was an extremely powerful and emotional interview to watch. Rihanna appeared uncomfortable discussing certain aspects of what happened, and refused to allow the interview to descend into a “Chris Brown did me wrong” sob-fest. She spoke articulately and carefully, in very even tones - there was no breakdown, she did not weep in Diane Sawyer's waiting arms. And I am sure that Diane was a little bit pissed about that. Such a coup to get this interview and not one sob, not even a voice quiver.

People have been questioning the timing and the motivation. There have also been many comments about both her hair and her outfit. For fu*k’s sake… #rihannasforhead has been a trending topic on Twitter for almost 24 hours. Srsly.

Yes she has an album coming out. But can you please explain to me when is the right time for her to discuss this? When do all of you out there on the interweb feel it is appropriate for her to talk publicly about what was likely the most traumatic experience of her life? Rihanna’s motivation is irrelevant. Do people honestly think she wants to talk about this? That this is fun for her? That she is using the hell of the past year to promote an album? When would have been the right time? 6 months? 2 months? 2 weeks? When do all the judgy people feel she should be discussing being beaten senseless by the man she loved?

She not only went through abuse in the public eye. She went through the aftermath in public. Most abuse victims do not have millions of people scrutinising everything they do, dissecting the most traumatic experiences of their lives, judging them for not talking about it, judging them for smiling, judging them for seeing him, following them wherever they go, looking at leaked police photos.

I commend her for speaking about it. She didn’t have to. She could have promoted the f*ck out of this album by skirting around the questions and refusing to discuss it. Many others would have.

She is using the media because she went through this in the public eye. We all “know” what happened. Most of us saw that photo. We have all been speculating what exactly happened that night. Chris said nothing on his “interview” on Larry King. 99% of people in abusive relationships or those who suffer any form of abuse are not going through it with millions of people watching. People are going to talk about it regardless of if she does press or not. She is taking control of this situation and doing what she can to shut down the speculation.

For Rihanna to speak publicly about this and use what happened to her as a forum for others to learn from her experience is very commendable. There is no right time for her to discuss this. If she had come out right after so many would have been on her back about it. If she refused to talk about it now, there would have been an outcry.

The poor girl cannot win. I really wish people would listen to what she is saying instead of judging her for her timing, her hair or her outfit. All of that crap diminishes the importance of what she is saying. She is saying something that is really hard to hear and I think many people don’t understand about abusive relationships. That you love that person, even though they hit you. That you love them and go back even though they destroy you. That in spite of what they do (be it once or over years), you love them. This is a powerful message for young girls. That even though you love them, you can leave them. That even though you love them, you should leave them. That is is not always about love. As she said….. f*ck love.

I am not a particular fan of Ri-ri. Her music is fun and okay I guess. I would never spend my cash on her album. But now, I have an urge to buy anything she has released.

I am also not going to read comments on any more blogs cause they just make me angrier and angrier. People are so unbelievably ignorant and narrow-minded and stupid. I am getting riled up just thinking about it. Boo f*cking hiss to you all who are judging Rihanna for any of this.


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