Thursday, August 13, 2009

Blue Pit Match: Michael Vicks v's Chris Brown

At my old job at Grouse Mountain, we used to while away the hours debating "Blue Pit Matches". We would pick 2 people and discuss who would win in a hypothetical fight to the death in the Blue Pit. The Pit is where the Blue Skyride docked and is sort of like a cement cage. Grouse's own personal Cage Match. Anytime anyone had the slightest disagreement......"to the pit" was our rallying cry. Good times, good times. While we would normally discuss people we worked with (tons of excess testosterone amongst millwrights and electricians), occasionally the subject of celebrities would come up.

So today when Twitter informed me that that Michael Vicks had been signed to the Philadelphia Eagles I had one of those light-bulb moments. You remember Michael Vicks right? He is that insanely rich professional footballer who ran that dogfighting ring. You know the f*cker who reportedly participated in the killing of dogs who did not perform well in test fights. The guy who the idiot NFL Commissioner decided to reinstate.

I am proposing a Blue Pit Match between animal abuser Michael Vicks and girlfriend abuser Chris Brown. Would that not be the most amazing thing ever? Throw those two f*ckers in a pit and make them battle to the death? Awesomeness. And then throw in some of the dog's Vick's abused to finish the survivor off. Oh wait, they had to be put down because they were treated so badly. F*cker.

I do have a memory of one of the more interesting Millwrights telling us all that if he was ever so badly hurt on the job that he would be "a burden" on his much younger and much hotter wife, that we should just grab a hammer and put him out of his misery. I am sure I could find someone to do that for either Vicks or Brown.
Why is it that if you are young and "talented" in America, you can get away with pretty much anything. Well, look at OJ, he even got away with murdering 2 people. Ugh. This kind of sh*t makes me so mad I can barely see straight. There is a very, very special in Hell for people like Michael Vicks and Chris Brown. F*ckers. Lots of cursing in this one, but F*CK ME.

I could sell tickets to this match. And donate the money to a Women's Shelter (which Brown has yet to do) or the SPCA (which I don't believe Vicks has done). Not only are these 2 complete douchey assholes, they are also dumb f*cks wo are desperately in need of some new PR people. Hmm maybe Chris Brown could ask his best buddy Diddy for help?

Okay, rant over. On paper at least. In my head I am imagining all the fun and interesting things I would like to do to these two if I could. Well, they would be fun for me.


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