Lets start with the ensemble shall we? That cheap and tacky glittery outfit. It was too short in the legs, the colour was amazingly bad, and what the f*ck was up with the crotch area?
The "singing" - honey, you should really have made an effort to learn the words to the song you are lip-synching to. I mean the song sucks no matter which way you look at it, but you could at least have made an effort. Sigh. And to now claim it was "live". Ha! Don't make me laugh.
The "dancing" - I have no words for the badness. What the f*ck was that? Did a blind person who has also been diagnosed with a lack of rhythm choreograph that travesty? Seriously? What the f*ck was that?
I have made a conscious effort not to write about these two idiots. They get enough press as it is. Too much press. They need to disappear forever. Also, they make me so frustrated that the rant would be very very very long. With lots of profanity.
The whole Playboy fiasco. For one, she was not even f*cking naked...... she poses for the paps in a f*cking bikini on a daily basis. How is this spread (or lack thereof) any different from any of the bazillion of other staged photo sessions we have seen over the past few years? Dumb F*ck.
And the whole God made my body and it is a beautiful thing bulls*it. Unless God is earning a little extra cash on the side doing boobjobs in Hollyweird, God had abso-f*cking-lutely nothing to do with your body hon, and don't try and claim otherwise.
I don't think I can even write about the orgasms....... the 20-30 orgasms her husband apparently gives her daily. Gag me with a mother f*cking spoon. On top of the ewwwwww. How would she even function having that many orgasms a day? Is that even possible? And Spencer Pratt, with his little goat-hair soul patch is the master giving you all this amazing pleasure? I shudder to think. Excuse me while I go throw up in a corner.
Why does she always look like she is about to put a dick in her mouth? Seriously? D-List porn stars have more facial expressions than her. Ugh. I just really really find these people loathsome and pointless. I hope for a day, in my lifetime, when you actually have to have talent to be considered a celebrity. Cause really, what have these to contributed to the world?
Shortish rant. But I am holding back. A lot. I used to consider them a guilty pleasure. Now, I just try not to consider them at all.