Official "Meet Jacob Black" New Moon Trailer Released

So the powers that be at Summit are trying yet again to shove young Taylor Lautner down our throats by releasing a very strange trailer for New Moon. This trailer includes interviews with Tay Tay who again speaks of the 30 pounds of muscle he put on for the role. Yawn. Over it. Don't get me wrong, I am sure he does a good job on this movie and he seems like a nice kid, but again I say Yawn.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon 'Meet Jacob Black' Preview in HD

Once you get past Taylor's blinding white smile, the rest of the trailer is actually pretty decent. The effects are already a gazillion times better than they were in Twilight - which isn't that difficult really cause the effects in Twilight sucked balls. We get to see the wolfpack in action, and hello salty goodness to them! Not bad at all. I will be fine with looking at some of these boys half nekkid for two hours.

We also get our first decent glimpse at The Volturi and in particular Dakota Fanning's Jane. Now Twi-hards are probably fuming that she is blond (in the books, Jane has light brown hair) but it is fine with me. She looks great - dainty yet menacing - and I cannot wait to see her inflict her "gift" on Edward.

Rachelle Lefevre as the villainous Victoria also looks great in the trailer. Her hair is so much more vibrant than in Twilight - good call Chris Weitz to darken and brighten it up a bit! Although I think it is unfortunate that she will not be in Eclipse, I am confident that Bryce Dallas Howard will do a great job. I saw her on the street this weekend which was pretty cool. Second Eclipse cast sighting for me so far.

And if you edit it correctly, you can basically tell most of the story through the trailer

Edward breaks Bella for her own good, Jacob unbreaks Bella and starts to "change" - and thankfully cuts off his awful long hair.

Hello boys, oh ....... and what did you do to my friend Jacob you bastards?

Ummm, this is getting awkward Jake, we are just friends and Edward is my one and only. Unless you can sparkle? Crap, crazy ginger vampire wants to kill me. Save me Jake.

Ohhh Italy. Edward, WTF are you doing? Vampire suicide? You are such a drama queen. Kiss me instead you sparkly fool, okay I forgive you.

Crap, what is with the chick vampires wanting to kill me? Now it is some crazy blond (who I think would look better as a brunette don't you?) who can hurt me with her mind? Ha ha suck it bitch, I am special and can't be hurt by you.

Crazy blond has equally crazy friends. Please don't hurt my sparkly boyfriend. I love him so. Look at him, isn't he dreamy? Please let him go so we can continue our PG relationship until we are married and then we can "fade to black."

End Scene.

And that is pretty much the movie. There you go. No need to see it now. You are Welcome friends.

PS: Don't be fooled by this. I am totally planning on taking the day off work on November 20th, sneaking a bottle of wine into the theatre with my friend Nicole and swooning along with the rest of you at this movie. And yes, I hate myself just a little bit for it.

XO