Thursday, July 2, 2009

Vagina Virgin is Getting Hitched Ya'll

The oldest Jonas Brother is swapping his purity ring for a wedding ring. 21 year old Kevin Jonas couldn't take the dry humping and occasional game of just the tip anymore (only on very special occasions) and proposed to his equally sexually frustrated girlfriend Danielle Deanasa, 22. The couple have been dating since May 2007. I am surprised he waited that long! Kevin apparently showed up on her new Jersey doorstep the morning after their second Vancity concert, dropped down on one knee and presented Danielle with a cushion cut ring that he designed himself. According to, Kevin stated that "she said Yes, yes, yes superfast like 500 times in a row". Isn't that nauseating?

I honestly wish them well. I hope that they stay together forever, have enough children to start a Partridge Family style band, and when they die they get to sit on white fluffy clouds together in Heaven and mock those of us burning in Hell. But I worry. What if the vagina is simply not for him? I mean he has nothing to compare it to but what if, on his wedding night, he realises, you know what, I don't really like vagina, I think I wanna give penis a shot? What if he is the gay Jonas brother - you do know that one of them is gay right? That is how it is in all boy bands. I think it may be written in their contracts. One is gay and at least one goes to rehab.
This post is why I will be burning in Hell.

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